a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
