i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
