your thong is hanging out like whoa
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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