so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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