If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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