So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
