in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
