i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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