I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
