take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
