Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
