She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
