i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
