The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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