Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
