i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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