So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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