help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
