Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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