Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
