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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize