hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
