Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
