if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
