Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
