So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
