omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize