I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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