evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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