I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
