Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
