I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize