i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
