It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
