...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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