I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
