i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
