Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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