just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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