It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
