found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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