If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
