Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Randomize
