Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
