They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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