its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
