The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
