somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize