I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
