I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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