Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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