I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
