My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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