I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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