he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
