i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think my vagina is haunted
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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