oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
