Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize