I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
