Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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