I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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