I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just want to make out with him forever
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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