dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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