I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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