Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
