No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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