Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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