just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
