i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
