awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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