I just made out with a guy for $7.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
