I just pynch a tree in the face
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He better not be in your backpack
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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