they need to just BURY HIM!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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