you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
