Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
