I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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