Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize