I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
