she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You left your phone here
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