I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize