I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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