First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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