He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
