It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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