hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
