Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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