my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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