I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
