the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
