I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
