What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
