I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
