what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
