That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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