u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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