Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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