Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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