i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
