I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
