Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
