Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Come on in and take your pants off
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