somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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