No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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