I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
