Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
foreskin is a definite game changer
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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