everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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