He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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