ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
