there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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