so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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