My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
