guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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