worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How does it feel to date your dad?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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