she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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