So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
