i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
