I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
