Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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