I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
