Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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