I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
